Ithaca is many things, but above all Ithaca is “Gorges.” Anyone passing through the small city is immediately introduced to the popular T-shirt slogan, which has since inspired countless variations custom-tailored to reflect a slew of personalities.

One Ithaca College senior, Patty Bandwagon, however, is having trouble deciding which oh-so-clever pun best expresses her individuality.

“At first I didn’t think I needed an “Ithaca is…” T-shirt to be accepted by others,” Bandwagon said. “But after three and a half years of failing to make one single friend, I think I’m ready.”

Bandwagon says she’s looking for a slogan that will combine the acerbic wit of “Ithaca is Your Mom” with the irony of “Ithaca is Gangsta.”

“I especially like it when people wear pink ‘Gangsta’ shirts,” Bandwagon said. “The contrast between the masculine assertion of the words and the predominantly feminine connotation of the color pink is definitely hilarious.”

She does not intend to rule out other brands of comedy, such as the funny-because-it’s-true, “Ithaca is Cold.”

“I bet that one is a real good ice breaker,” Bandwagon said. “Get it? Ice is cold.”

Bandwagon admits that she is open to playing with the structure of the slogan — something that surely has never been done before — by replacing “Ithaca” with her name to read, “Patty is Gorges” for a result that would be both humorous and functional.

Bandwagon still has concerns. “I understand that it is only ironic narcissism, but others may take it for actual narcissism poorly concealed by humor, and, honestly, I’m not prepared to take that chance.”

She also briefly considered purchasing a “Vaginas are Gorges” shirt but was not sure she agreed with the statement.

“I need a shirt so perfect that when I walk in a room people will think, ‘Wow, there goes someone with a distinct and unique personality who is also aware of what is currently accepted as humorous,’” Bandwagon said. “So, something like, ‘Ithaca is SPARTA!’ Too broad? Well, maybe ‘Ithaca is Bringing Sexy Back.’ That phrase seems to be popular on the music television these days.”

The whole ordeal has left Bandwagon emotionally drained, and she fears that she may end up breaking down and ordering a graphic tee off of the Internet.

“In all seriousness, I’ve always considered Jesus to be my homeboy.”