As the semester draws to a close, students all over Ithaca College eagerly await that time which comes but twice a year: finals week.

 After 15 weeks of committing their undivided attention to diligent studying and ignoring all distractions — such as parties, nights out on the town and guest speakers — final examinations are well-deserved rewards. Students, like junior Alan Bootlicker, relish the opportunity to show their professors just how much they’ve learned.

 “My only wish is that we had more than a measly two-and-a-half hour examination period,” Bootlicker said, whose glasses are now held together with tape, the result of an intense study session that went drastically wrong. “I could regurgitate information in the form of multiple choice all day long if they’d let me.”

 Bootlicker, who has held an acceptable 4.3 GPA since his freshman year, has never let anything get in the way of his classroom education.

 “One time, I stopped by a board game night my RA was hosting, but all that socializing really got in the way of me thinking about my assigned readings, essays, and dioramas,” Bootlicker said.

 Bootlicker claims that the secret to his success is holding a strict routine and never breaking from it.

 “Every morning, I wake up at 6 a.m. Eastern Standard Time,” Bootlicker said. “Then by 6:30 a.m., I’ve applied my acne medication, snapped on my suspenders, and fluffed my bow-tie. That gives me just enough time to clean and organize my pocket protectors until my first class, which starts at 10 a.m.”

 Though finals week is an exciting time for Bootlicker, it is also a somber one.

 “It means saying goodbye to all my friends for an entire month,” he said. “Goodbye, copy machine. Goodbye, study lounge. And of course, goodbye, book cart.”

 Bootlicker, however, is aware that some people may not be as excited for finals week as he is. For any slackers out there, Bootlicker has a message:

 “I hope they had fun kissing girls and getting cooties all semester. While they’re cramming all weekend, I’ll be simply reviewing flashcards and drifting off to sleep mumbling mnemonic devices, and they’ll realize their mistake.”

 He then added, “Some people may think that a test is just a test. But I hear if you fail a test — especially a final — you’ll probably die.”