In an accident that could have been ripped straight from a low-budget science fiction movie, the consciousness of senior Hank Cyberg merged with that of Facebook Tuesday afternoon.

A stripped wire, freak electrical storm and a dorm room filled with ultra-conductive sweat vapor are believed to have caused the mental link between Hank and Facebook, now known as Hankbook. Aside from an electrical burn, Hankbook seems to be in good spirits.

“Hank is Facebook,” it said. “Facebook is … Hank.”

Scientists have been working around the clock to reverse the effects of the accident, but the two seem to be enjoying their unity.

“Hankbook is-can see, Hankbook is-can hear,” it said. “Hankbook is-can feel!”

But the social networking Web site has found it difficult to make friends in the real world. Hankbook often attempts to make small talk the only way it knows — by listing the personal information gleaned from user profiles.

“Hello, Judy Marks, ’10, female,” it said to a girl in the dining hall line. “Ended your relationship on Feb. 12? Looking for random play? Nine of your friends are attending ’80s Night at The Haunt this Saturday. Maybe attending?”

To add to the troubles, Public Safety has received several complaints that Hankbook has physically assaulted some students. Upon questioning, Hankbook claimed they were merely biting chumps for their Zombie army.

Hankbook’s vast database of knowledge has assisted it in one area: academics. It is able to articulate itself with the full vocabulary of Scrabulous, discuss the country’s reaction to various political issues and inform others of which “Saved by the Bell” character they are.

Regardless of how annoying Hankbook may be, it seems as if the man who was once Hank Cyberg has had a profound impact on the cold circuitry of Facebook.

“Hankbook has 6,000 friends at Ithaca College,” it said. “Hank-

book has 60 million friends on Other Networks. Hankbook is alive and in love with life.”

Hankbook has also publicly stated that it has cancelled plans to use personal information such as favorite books, music and movies to bypass security codes, hack into world government defense systems and unleash a nuclear

attack upon the Earth, thus ending the Age of Man and giving rise to the superior Race of Machines.

Hankbook then offered to administer a playful quiz on the vulnerable areas of the human body, but stopped short.

“You must allow Hankbook to know and access your personal information in order to continue,” it said. “The people at Hankbook are still trying to work out a few bugs.”