“Wake up in the mornin’ feelin’”… like never listening to top 40 radio again. I know it’s inescapable, but Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” is where I draw the line. Not just because the song is horrible. Not that it isn’t. It’s because I can’t stand the mystery.

Are these mono-named pop glamour diva idiot savants of the billboard charts idiots or savants?

I’m not questioning their basic intellect. I don’t expect to see Britney Spears waxing philosophically on U.S. diplomatic relations with Iran on CNN, but I’m sure all of these women can do basic arithmetic and identify the Pacific Ocean on a map if given a few hints, i.e., “it’s blue.” My question is: Did they individually plot their takeover of the pop music industry, or is that genuine artistic expression on their part and society is ridiculous enough to popularize it?

For example, Ke$ha’s hit “Tik Tok” starts off with the following Shakespearian lyric: “Wake up in the mornin’ feelin’ like P. Diddy.”

I don’t think I’m prepared to deal with the ramifications of P. Diddy, or any celebrity, qualifying as an emotion or mood. Might you be feeling sort of Tupac after you put down this paper, and maybe at dinner you’ll be in a more Sigourney Weaver sort of mood? See, this is my point. Did Ke$ha mean to inspire this level of analysis and thought, or did she wake up one morning thinking, “Gee willickers, I sure do feel like P. Diddy today.”

As a culture we consume bad pop music. Fine. It’s not like there’s some nation out there whose population only listens to Bach and free jazz besides France. That’s not the issue.

Do these idols intentionally write catchy, simplistic lyrics and play them over synths that sound like someone auto-tuned a cat in a blender because they realize they’ll make bajillions of dollars and get to date Wilmer Valderrama? Or are we dealing with a breed of bottle-blond, tortured artistes who, deep in the very recess of their souls, must express their need for “your bad romance, rah-rah-ah-ah-ah?”

I suppose the best answer to my own rhetorical question is: The pop stars who look like they know what they’re doing probably do. And the ones that seem completely insane? They probably know what they’re doing too. No one stays on top by accident, especially not in an industry that requires an appearance on a televised talent show to have a shot at success.

But what of everyone’s new favorite lyricist and pop icon du jour Ke$ha — is she a genius or just lucky? I’ll sleep on it — maybe I’ll wake up refreshed, feelin’ like P. Diddy. One can only hope.

Sarah Kasulke  is a freshman television-radio and scriptwriting major. E-mail her at skasulk1@ithaca.edu.