Roundup: Sometimes famous people say stupid things
June 30, 2008 2:48 pm by Andy
I’ll admit I don’t always think before I speak… or blog. But I can safely say I haven’t recently stuck my foot in my mouth quite like these fools:
I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God.
? Heidi Montag telling Us Weekly why she wants to record a Christian album. She continued on to say she considers herself a “kind of non-denominational Baptist.” Oxymoron? No wait, just moron.
God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know?
? Heidi, again, on her relationship with Lauren Conrad. … Did she seriously just compare herself to Jesus?
I think she is a bitch and a whore. … Actually, I don’t know if she’s talking about food or men.
? Pamela Anderson in response to Jessica Simpson’s “Real Girls Eat Meat” t-shirt. (I guess this quote wasn’t really stupid… just awesome).
Obama Bin Laden
? Matt Lauer tripping over his words on “Today.”
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David Archuleta, what is your deal?
June 30, 2008 2:20 pm by Andy
“American Idol” runner-up David Archuleta did an interview with Seventeen Magazine that more or less confirms everything I’ve ever thought about him: He is 12 years old, has a little bit of gender confusion going on, and is quite possibly the most boring person to ever win any competition of any kind.
Here are some of my favorite answers…
When was your first kiss?
I haven’t had a first kiss.
Who’s your celebrity crush?
I don’t have a crush on anyone yet. … I look up to Sara Bareilles, John Mayer and Jason Mraz.
What’s a girl fashion trend that confuses you?
I don’t get those really short skirts.
What’s your dream job?
…If not music, I think it would be pretty cool to be an ear, nose and throat doctor.
What’s the last song you listened to on your iPod?
“Minnie the Mouse” by Sara Bareilles. I love Sara Bareilles. … I wish I were her. She’s so awesome.
Fast forward 10 years: David Archuleta has gotten a sex change to look like Sara Bareilles and spends his free time stalking John Mayer and Jason Mraz, hoping one of them will be his first kiss. Oh, and of course he/she will be wearing a skirt that reaches his/her ankles. Because short skirts are just weird… right, David?
Read the rest of the interview here, along with David Cook’s much cooler answers to the same questions.
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As if you could say anything bad about Danny Tanner
June 28, 2008 4:27 pm by Andy
He tugged at our heart strings on “Full House” and filled our heads with a hilarious-yet-terrifying image in “Half Baked.” And now Bob Saget will get his ass roasted on a new Comedy Central special airing August 17.
First Flavor Flav, then Pamela Anderson and now Bob Saget? It’s as if Comedy Central was invented just for my personal pleasure. I like to tell myself that, anyway.
(And, yeah, I’m bolding names now. Wanna fight about it?)
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Who’s that girl?
June 27, 2008 11:41 am by Andy
I’d like to take this time to confess my undying devotion to the beautiful creature that is Christine Baranski.
Why do I love her? Because despite achieving major success in the entertainment industry — she has an Emmy and two Tonys under her sexy belt — common folk never seem to have any idea who she is. I like to think of her as “that actress,” the one you know you’ve seen a million times but have never known her name. (Think Missi Pyle, but less obscure).
You’ll probably remember her best as Selma Blair’s snooty mom in “Cruel Intentions” or as the sexy Martha May Whovier in the live-action “Grinch” movie. Right now she’s performing on Broadway in the play “Boeing Boeing” — don’t think I’m not planning on waiting for her by the stage door — and, even though she wasn’t nominated for a Tony, there’s no doubt in my mind that she brings down the house every night.
DListed has Phoebe Price, Gawker has (had?) Julia Allison, and now… The Big Spoon has Christine Baranski. I hope you can stomach all the pleasure 
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Manscaping lessons with P. Diddy
June 17, 2008 12:42 pm by Andy
I have a love/hate relationship with P. Diddy; for some reason, I’ve always found him kind of obnoxious. But after reading this article in the UK’s Metro, I’m setting my phaser to ‘love.’
In the article, Diddy discusses his personal grooming habits, including his ritual of getting a nice shave… down there.
While I’m getting ready, I like to relax with a drink ? vodka and lemonade ? and listen to some James Brown.
…I’m not entirely sure what he means by ‘getting ready,’ but I’m intrigued. His words of wisdom continued on:
Men owe it to women to make sure they are well-groomed. … I wax my privates. I also wear my fragrance, Unforgivable Black.
Honestly, I love anyone who can discuss their dirty south and manage to plug their product in the same sentence.
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Can I rant about Taylor Hicks for a minute?
June 17, 2008 12:17 pm by Andy
“American Idol” season five winner Taylor Hicks ? I need to include his title when introducing him because most of the world has already forgotten who he is ? recently joined the current Broadway production of “Grease” as the new Teen Angel. I have a few issues with this, the biggest one of course being that a man who looks like he’s 45 is playing a role designed for a teenage icon.
But the whole Broadway show aside, I’d just like to take a moment to pose a very important question: Why the hell did Taylor Hicks ever win “American Idol” in the first place?! I know he had middle America on its collective knees with his whole “Soul Patrol” thing, but what was it beyond that: His suspicious gray hair? The permanently doofy expression on his face? No, wait… it must have been his impecible dance skills (seen in the photos below):
It’s sh*t like this that makes me want to move to Canada.
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The zaniest religious video game since Scripture Solitaire
June 6, 2008 11:15 am by Andy
A student at the University of Virginia has created a video game that will make the violence of “Grand Theft Auto” look like “Frogger.”
The main character in the game, still untitled and unreleased, has but one objective: kill biblical prophets to stop the spread of Christianity and Islam. In one part of the game, the player actually has to cut off Muhammed’s head (because that’s not going to piss off anyone…)
The student says he created the game to “give a voice to atheists.”
I feel like someone should tell this kid that there’s a difference between being an atheist and being THE ANTICHRIST! Seriously, people are freakin’ crazy.
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Seacrest’s international rival
June 6, 2008 11:01 am by Andy
Japan’s most popular TV host is kind of like Ryan Seacrest… only smaller and more efficient. Just kidding — Seacrest is tiny as hell.
Monta Mino, a Japanese TV personality, has broken his own Guinness World Record by appearing on 22 hours and 15 seconds of live television in April. His previous record, set in November 2006, was 21 hours and 42 minutes.
Between “American Idol,” “E! News Live” and whatever God-awful red carpet events he gets sent to, I’m pretty sure Seacrest could shatter this record if he really wanted to. Seacrest can do anything.
I wonder if Mino has a bitter Japanese counterpart to Brian Dunkleman?
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She’s the one that they want?
June 2, 2008 1:11 am by Andy
Even though I’d bet my blog that it isn’t going to happen, Britney Spears is reportedly in talks to take over the role of Sandy Dumbrowski in the current Broadway production of “Grease” this summer. She was also in talks to play the lead in “A Streetcar Named Desire” in London.
Don’t get me wrong — Britney amuses me as much as she does the next guy, but there’s something I just can’t wrap my head around. Being a successful performer on Broadway requires two very important skills: believable acting and the ability to sound good when singing live. Has she proven that she can do either of these things? The singing is irrefutable, but I can’t believe there are still people out there who were impressed by her role on “How I Met Your Mother.” Just look at “Crossroads,” people! That’s when she was at her best!
So who do I suggest for the new Sandy? Elizabeth Berkeley, of course! Seriously, go watch “Showgirls” 30+ times and I promise you’ll see things my way.
(Thanks, Doug.)
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Underdeveloped babies are the cutest!
June 1, 2008 12:11 pm by Andy
Those cancer haters over at the Truth organization have always striven to make shocking commercials to get their message across, but they’ve taken it to a whole new level with their latest string of Disney-esque spots. First there was “The Magical Amount,” followed by the far less superior “Typo” and now…
Of course I loved the commercial on a completely inappropriate level, but at times I got distracted by the stork’s Cajun-inspired voice: Could it have been any more unfitting?
Thanks, Matt.
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