You’re my new muse, you’ve got the best freakin’ shoes!
When it was first announced that Legally Blonde was being turned into a Broadway musical, no one could believe it. And now, with the big opening in New York less than two weeks away, it still remains a mystery as to why anyone thought this would be a good idea. Broadway.com released a video montage of some of the musical numbers. I don’t know what’s worse: Paulette’s bizarre pop-rock rendition of “Bend and Snap” or the fact that there’s an entire song called “Ohmigod!” Oh yeah, they also made Emmitt a frilly little girl. Somewhere Luke Wilson is crying and looking for comfort in his brother’s curvy nose. Check the video out for yourself. Have a favorite bad lyric? Let us know! I know I’ve got one. (Hint: it’s the title of this entry).
And I thought Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde was bad…not that I saw it…of course not.
Preview performances of Legally Blonde: The Musical begin April 3.
Happy first day of spring!
Sure, there’s still snow on the ground, but according to the calendar it’s the first day of spring! So burn your winter coat, run outside and hug something furry. You’ve waited long enough.
Much love, The Big Spoon.
‘American Idol’: it’s so much more than music
The contestants on this season of “American Idol” have been — how do I say this? — a total letdown. In fact, if you’re watching the show looking for some good musical talent, you’re wasting your time. What you SHOULD be watching it for is to see the bitch-fest that is Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell’s relationship. On Tuesday’s episode, the tension hit a new level when Simon basically called Ryan gay live on the air. This clip has made its way around the Internet more than once since it originally aired, but in case you haven’t seen it yet, prepare to enjoy yourself.
How does this woman keep getting work?
So I’m just sitting here, enjoying a new episode of “I Love New York,” when suddenly my eyes are attacked with the unpleasant image of Mo’Nique on my television. Somehow I managed to hold in my vomit long enough to watch the whole commercial. Apparently, the queen of disgusting is going to be hosting a new show on VH1 titled “Flavor of Love: Charm School.” Former contestants from the first two seasons of “Flavor of Love” will go on the show and compete to see who can become the most refined lady.
Um…let’s think about this for a minute. Mo’Nique is going to teach a bunch of girls how to behave? Well, as we saw on “Flavor of Love,” the girls are already loud and obnoxious, which means the only thing left to teach them is how to be offensive to look at. And who better to teach that than Mo’Nique?
Seriously, she makes that girl who pooped on Flav’s carpet last season look like a supermodel.
“Flavor of Love: Charm School” premiers April 15 on VH1.
‘Dancing With The Stars’: more fun than you could shake a prosthetic leg at
I’ve never watched “Dancing With The Stars” before, but the upcoming fourth season might just be worth my time. ABC has managed to round up its most random batch of washed-up celebrities yet. Here are my three favorites:
Billy Ray Cyrus: He only got his foot in the door because he and his daughter already have a show on Disney Channel, but that’s OK. As long as he dances to “Achy-Breaky Heart” at some point, the world will be a better place.
Joey Fatone: So Joey’s on this show, Justin is putting out platinum-selling albums, Lance is STILL living off his recent outing and…wait…there was another one, right? The one with the weird hair. Is he dead?
Heather Mills: Now I’ve come to my absolute favorite. Not only is she the crazy ex-wife of former Beatle Paul McCartney, but she only has one leg! In interviews, she’s mentioned the concern that her prosthetic leg might fall off while dancing. Betting Web site Bodog.com has even opened up a poll where people can go and bet money as to whether or not her leg will detach. So far, 425 voters expect the leg to go flying, while an overwhelming 800 think it will stay where it is. Here are the stipulations for the bet:
If Heather Mills does not participate in Dancing with the Stars, all wagers will be graded as No Action. Heather Mills’ leg must fall off, not be purposely taken off, during a dance routine for all Yes wagers to be graded a Win.
Amazing. “Dancing With The Stars” season four premeries next Monday (March 19) on ABC.
‘South Park’ is back and just as inappropriate as ever
First of all, thank God for DVR. I missed the original airing of the “South Park” season premiere at 10 p.m., but my friend recorded it, so we decided to take a study break and watched it at 2:30 a.m. The episode was just as offensive as I expected, if not more so.
It began with Stan’s dad on “Wheel of Fortune,” trying to solve the final puzzle. The category was “things that annoy me” and the letters he already had were “n_ggers.” He hesitated at first, but ultimately filled that space in with an “i” and was surprised to see that the word was actually “naggers.” His use of the n-word on national TV made him a public enemy, and so he went about to right his wrong, learning as much about black culture as possible. I won’t ruin it for those of you who haven’t seen it, but let’s just say there’s a “race war” at the elementary school, and Cartman ends up wrestling a midget.
My favorite line of the night: “Jesse Jackson is not the emperor of black people!” - Token during an argument with Stan
In only the first episode of the season, “South Park” has already managed to offend black people and little people. Some say that Trey Parker and Matt Stone are just pushing the envelope to generate more hype (like last season’s infamous episode about Scientology). Others don’t care, and will anxiously wait another seven days to see who the boys of “South Park” can manage to offend next.
If you missed it, the episode re-airs at 10 p.m. tonight (Thursday) on Comedy Central.
Those naughty little Teletubbies
When “Teletubbies” first came on American TV in 1997, no one really knew what they were. Ten years later, not a whole lot of progress has been made in that department. Tinky-Winky (the purple one) has had his sexual orientation questioned, but the tubbies still remained in a shroud of mystery. A video clip from an episode that has been making its way around the Internet might just give us a little more insight as to what they’re all about. And keep in mind: this is supposed to be a CHILDREN’S show!
Yeah, I don’t really know what so say either. Thanks to DListed for finding this video.
‘South Park’ season premiere info.
Comedy Central finally released some information about tomorrow night’s season 11 premiere on the official “South Park” Web site.
The episode is titled “With Apologies to Jesse Jackson” and here’s the plot: The “N” bomb hits South Park and Cartman fights a midget.
It’s good to see they’re all up to their old tricks. Don’t miss out, 10 p.m. tomorrow on Comedy Central!
It’s true. Donatella Versace IS a Muppet
Earlier this week, Perez Hilton made a comment about fashionista Donatella Versace looking like a Muppet, and I laughed accordingly. I knew he was right, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on which Muppet she was.
That’s when it hit me. Donatella Versace is Janice! - the female member of Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem (the band for which Animal is the drummer). I dare you to look at these pictures I found online and tell me it isn’t true:
What can I say? I calls ‘em like I sees ‘em.
Monthly Spoon: ridiculous video
Well, ladies and manly ladies, it’s the first Monday of the month which means it’s time for another Monthly Spoon. I had a tough time narrowing down the candidates for this second round of monthly spoonage, but I think I scoured the Internet looking for a good one. … OK fine, I put “the big spoon” in a Google search and clicked around till I was satisfied. But I really am satisfied, I swear. It’s a video clip from Bofunk.com and, well, you really just have to see it for yourself. Here it is, the second ever Monthly Spoon:
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