Oh no! Hogzirra!
In 2004, a hunter named Chris Griffin (…let’s take a moment to enjoy that) shot and killed a pig. But this wasn’t just any pig. Appropriately nicknamed “Hogzilla,” the swine weighed in at more than 800 pounds and was between 8 and 12 feet long. Because the beast was found in the small Georgia town of Alapaha, it became a town-wide mascot, and even had parades in its honor. Do these people really have nothing better to celebrate?
Three years later, Lithium Productions is hoping to cash in on the freak of nature. The studio will begin tryouts next month for “The Legend Of Hogzilla,” which will presumably attempt to create some sort of back-story for the creature. No word yet on whether or not the film will be released in theaters, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find it in the 2 for $11 bin at Walmart very shortly.
The scariest half-man/half-woman since Alexis Arquette
Are you tired of boring, single-gendered “American” musicians cranking out tired songs about love and “money in the bank”? Maybe you should head over to Bulgaria to check out Azis, a cross-dressing (possibly quasi-tranny) singer. He/she released a song called “Podludjavash me” (or “You Drive Me Crazy” in English) and…well…there really are no words to describe how I feel about it. So, here he/she is in all of his/her creepy glory.
Perez actually posted this video a few days ago, so I guess he beat me to it. Then again, I posted the video of the “My Humps” baby weeks before Perez caught wind of it. I guess we’ll call it a draw…for now!
There’s just no killing ‘Passions’
Unless you’re one of the 15 people out there who actually cares about “Passions” (and shame on you if you’re not), you probably haven’t heard the good news yet. DIRECTV announced yesterday that it will be broadcasting new episodes of the ridiculous soap once it ends its run on NBC on September 17. That’s right, the A+ acting, mind-boggling special effects and completely ludicrous story-lines will live on!The renewal also comes with a second budget cut (the first cut came when NBC renewed the series for its current eight season). There’s also the issue of “Who actually has DIRECTV?” Seriously, I’d like to know.Best Week Ever posted this video, a perfect clip that highlights some of the more outlandish plotlines that have kept the show’s off-beat fanbase coming back for more.
?Boris and the bees
I’m sure by now you’ve all heard about Boris Yeltsin’s death. I’ll admit I don’t know very much about politics. In fact, up until I found out he died this morning, I thought Boris Yeltsin was a country. But I did some Googling, and the picture to the left told me everything I ever needed to know…about life. I checked the Web site of the little indie group Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin, but they have yet to respond to their inspiration’s death. Get on that, slowpokes.
But Mr. Yeltsin isn’t the only b-namer to have died recently. A vegetarian friend of mine told me that lots of bees in our country are dying. And who’s to blame? Us, apparently. Reports are coming out like crazy saying that cell phone emissions are a leading cause of bee deaths. Supposedly, once we kill off all the bees, we’re next. I know that’s not a very positive prediction, but I’ll smile and enjoy my bee sting-free summer for the time being.
I’m no psychic, but I happen to know that these deaths usually happen in threes. First the bees…then Boris…then who? Britney Spears? Brooke Hogan? (Thanks, Rachel). My money’s on Beyonce. I’m not really sure why…I just think she’s had it too easy for too long.
The hills are alive with the sound of Earth Day
In case you haven’t stepped outside today, the weather is amazing. It’s the kind of day that makes you want to rip off your shoes, throw on a poncho and experience nature ? which is perfect because today just happens to be Earth Day! And what better way to celebrate the hippie holiday than with some raucous Earth Day tunes?
The Banana Slug String Band has been pumping out Earth-friendly music since the late ’80s, and its still going strong. During their nearly 20 years as a group, Larry, Doug, Steve and Mark have compiled an impressive body of work, including albums with titles like “Dirt Made My Lunch” (2006) and “Adventures on the Air Cycle” (2001). They even put out an album entirely in Spanish titled “La Tierra y el Mar” (1999).
Much like The Wiggles, The Banana Slugs’ music caters primarily to children, but who cares? Just look at them. They love the earth, and we love them. Happy Earth Day!
Not your grandpappy’s knock knock joke
Brink’s sister’s gentleman friend needs your help! His short film, “Knock Knock” was entered in CineVegas, an online short film festival sponsored by MySpace. It stars Pete and Brian of peteandbrian.com, and The Big Spoon thinks it’s really funny. Check it out here, then head over to the CineVegas Web site (myspace.com/cinevegas) and vote for it! It’s tasteless, and by tasteless I mean PURE GENIUS.
Spider-Man: The Musical? I think I need to change my pants
Broadway has always been known for its eccentricity, but The Big Spoon thinks things are getting out of hand. First came Legally Blonde: The Musical, which a friend of mine saw and described as “just too freakin’ loud.” Then came Joey Lawrence in Chicago. And now … oh man I can barely even type this … they’re making “Spider-Man” into a musical. Yeah. SPIDER-MAN.
The “music” for the “show” will be co-written by Bono and Edge of U2, and will be directed by Julie Taymor, the director of The Lion King on Broadway. Not very much is known about the characters, except that the villains Green Goblin and Archane will probably be in it.
The projected cost of the musical? $15 million. The projected bodily response to the musical? Vomit.
‘Tis better to give otters than to receive otters
I checked out today’s new Facebook gift, as I always do, and was kind of disappointed to see that it’s nothing more than a wedge of Swiss cheese. I don’t know about you, but if someone gave me a block of cheese, I’d un-friend them. Immediately. But my hopes were lifted when one of my favorite readers, Kathy, pointed out a gift Facebook introduced earlier this week that I somehow overlooked:
No, your eyes aren’t deceiving you. It’s the famous (thanks to YouTube) hand-holding otters I wrote about a few weeks ago! Do the right thing and give one of these to your friend. It’s only $1 and it all goes to Breast Cancer research. It’s cute AND charitable.
Joey Lawrence is headed to Broadway? WHOA!
It’s weird but true. As of May 4, Joey Lawrence will be playing the role of Billy Flynn in “Chicago.” This took me completely by surprise…and not just because I was convinced the Lawrence brothers had collectively disappeared off the face of the planet. But then a distant, deeply suppressed memory arose in my brain. Joey Lawrence had a singing career in the early ’90s! After a little more research I found that he actually managed to crack into the Billboard Top 20 with a few of his singles. And thanks to the magic of YouTube, I can share one of them with you. Here’s the video for “Nothin’ My Love Can’t Fix,” or as I like to call it “Worst Song Ever.” Please enjoy the excessive use of denim and the sweet ’90s instrumentals.
Strawberry faces forever
When NBC first announced that it was cancelling “Passions” back in January, the news was met with a variety of responses. The cast was disappointed, the fans were outraged and the rest of America asked, “Wait…what’s ‘Passions’?”
Well, The Big Spoon happens to love “Passions.” And it’s not because of the superb acting or the catchy music. I love it for all the ridiculous storylines that the writers cook up, and the mere fact that they are allowed to be shown on TV. Here are some of the more outlandish events to happen in Harmony (the town in which “Passions” is set) during the past eight years:
- A portal to hell was opened in one of the character’s closets
- A group of giant turkeys paid a visit on Thanksgiving
- An award-nominated Bollywood sequence was performed
- A torrential TSUNAMI hit the town (too soon, “Passions”)
Last Friday brought another fun memory to add the ol’ scrapbook. Tabitha (who is a witch…literally) was visited by two people from a prestigious preschool who wanted to interview her daughter for admission. In an attempt to scare them off, Tabitha had her daughter conjure up a plate of half-human-half-strawberries, who proceeded to fly around the women and bite them like flies. I could describe it more, but I think pictures speak louder than words.
Click on the thumbnails to see the full images:
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