They should be feeding this stuff to Britney
Angry citizens of Los Angeles are finally stepping up and doing something about the city’s enormous pigeon population. A new product called OvoControl P (yes, that’s a contraceptive for birds) will be placed in rooftop birdfeeders. The pigeon population (which is estimated to be around 5,000 right now) is expected to be cut in half by 2012.
But my favorite quote comes from Laura Dodson, president of the Argyle Civic Assocation: “The poop problem has become unmanageable and this could be the answer.”
Little people, big trouble
What a fantastic way to start my day! Dlisted is reporting that “Little People, Big World” star Matthew Roloff — head of the Roloff little people clan — was charged with a DUI back in June, and they’ve finally got their hands on his mugshot! I wish the camera would zoom out so you could see all the little phone books he’s probably standing on.
Apparently he was pulled over when Washington police saw his car swerving, and then he failed a sobriety test. That seems fair. But Dlisted begs an important question:
How can he pass a sobriety test?! He walks with a crutch! He can’t walk in a straight line sober.
Grabbing someone else’s fun pouch is ‘disrespectful,’ apparently
I don’t know who I love more right now: Faith Hill or the creators of YouTube. Oh, I should probably explain that. Apparently, a fan at one of Faith Hill’s concerts had been trying to put their hands all over her husband Tim McGraw’s special places. This is how she responded:
Did you miss that? Well, just in case:
Somebody needs to teach you some class, my friend. You don’t go grabbin’ somebody else’s, somebody’s husband’s balls, you understand me? That’s very disrespectful.
Drew Carey is stealing Regis Philbin’s soul
While perusing the Internet, I came across an unintentionally funny article titled “Is Drew Carey Next Regis Philbin?” OK, fine maybe just the title is funny because, seriously, who was on the edge of their seat searching? Hollywood for the next Regis Philbin? “We’ve found him at last!”
They draw the comparison because Carey will soon be hosting two game shows at the same time: “The Price Is Right” (I can still feel the country’s pain) and a new show on CBS titled “Power of 10.” Apparently the new game show finds contestants betting on how they think average Americans responded to pop culture/political questions. It’s a little bit “Family Feud” and a little bit “Street Smarts” (which you’ve probably only seen if you’re an insomniac).
So what’s next for mini-Regis? Somehow I don’t see Carey having the patience to tolerate Kelly Ripa. But then, who does?
Falling stars
There isn’t a human being out there — regardless of how “sophisticated” their sense of humor may be — that doesn’t love watching people fall down. It’s America’s second favorite past time (I may not watch baseball, but apparently a bunch of people do). And you know what’s even better? Watching celebrities fall down! It’s like watching normal people do it, except you don’t have to feel as guilty about laughing.
YesButNoButYes compiled a list (oh how I love lists) of their favorite falling celebrity moments. Which one’s your favorite? Mine is easily Kelsey Grammar because it’s ironic. “Frasier,” the supposedly “smart” humored show, hasn’t made me laugh once, but give me one guy falling off a stage and I’m in stitches. I’m also a fan of the now-treasured Beyonce spill, even if the clip is slowly disappearing from YouTube 
‘Chipmunks’ trailer confirms my fears
The bad movie parade continues. I put up the poster for the “Alvin and the Chipmunks” movie earlier this month, and now I’m equally (if not more) unhappy to present the first trailer. It looks even worse than I could have imagined. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but does Alvin actually eat a piece of Theodore’s poop?
Just say ‘no’ to the d’oh
You couldn’t turn around this summer without seeing some kind of publicity for “The Simpsons Movie” — 7-11s turning into Kwik-E-Marts, make your own Simpson web sites, constant promotion on FOX, etc. — and it got a lot of people thinking: Is the movie worth seeing? Well, let me be the one to break it to you: the movie is just as bad as the TV show now. No wait, it’s worse…because it’s longer.
The original trailers for the movie used the line “…the movie 19 years in the making,” but after seeing it, it’s clear that the movie is actually about 15 years too late. Whatever charm, wit and relevance there was to be found in early “Simpsons” episodes is long gone. The show that was once socially relevant has reduced itself to inserting pointless, random pop culture references to try to trick people into thinking its current. Nonsensical references don’t make you relevant. They make you “Family Guy.”
Matt Groening once said he wants to keep “The Simpsons” going until he dies. In other news, I’m thinking of becoming an assassin.
They should make this one into a doggy sweater
What better way to stick it to that dog-fighting d-bag Michael Vick than with this sassy little number from Deez Teez? It reads “Ron Mexico’s Dog Training: We’re betting on your dog’s success.” And it has a picture of a beat-up dog. Get it??
It’s just like Metallica ? only with less ugly
Harptallica ? the harp-slammin’ duo of Ashley Toman and Patricia Kline ? has been covering Metallica hits and putting babies to sleep since 2006. Check out Harptallica’s web site, MySpace, or just scroll down to watch Ashley and Patricia perform “The Unforgiven.”
Book them for your wedding!
Simpsonize me, Cap’n!
“The Simpsons Movie” is only 2 days away, but if you’re restless and itching to get a taste of that yellow goodness, head over to Simpsonize Me, a Burger King-sponsored web site that lets you create your own Simpsons character from head to toe. Try to design one after yourself. It’s fun. And slightly embarrassing.
To protect the identity of the person who sent me this link, I’ll use an alias: M. Serino. No, no that’s too obvious. … Michael S. … Yes, that’s much better. (That was a Simpsons joke. Anybody remember back when it was funny?)
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