Beethoven’s… sixth?
I would like to take this time to bring to everyone’s attention that there is a new “Beethoven” movie in the works. Yes, that Beethoven. The series stopped being cute and endearing after the first movie, but that didn’t stop the powers-that-be from making four sequels and an animated series. The new one is titled “Beethoven: The Reel Story,” and it stars the likes of Eddie Griffin and Rhea Perlman. Here’s the plot:
Eddie, a struggling animal trainer and single dad suddenly finds himself the personal wrangler for a large and lovable St. Bernard whose fabulous movie “audition” catapults the dog to stardom. However, a trio of unscrupulous ne’er-do-wells have plans to kidnap the famous dog and hold him for ransom.
Darn you, unscrupulous ne’er-do-wells! You leave Beethoven alone!!
Roundup: Why I lost faith in TV this week
Hey, readers (If there are any of you still with me…) Our server problems are over for now and we’re back in business! So let’s celebrate with some mind-boggling TV news.
(I know some of this is old, but I just really needed to vent).
Britney to the resue: Britney Spears’ much-hyped guest appearance on “How I Met Your Mother” Monday night nabbed the series an impressive 10.6 million viewers. For those of you keeping score at home, those are the highest ratings for “Mother” to date.
My issue, however, is not with the spike in viewership. After all, I too succumbed to the onslaught of advertising and watched the episode. What I’m not happy about are the positive reviews Britney got for her teeny tiny role. Here’s what the Associated Press had to say (and no, they’re not being sarcastic):
Spears proved she can act every bit as well as she can sing.
Dear Associated Press, I no longer ‘associate’ myself with you.
“The Hills” have viewers: Tuesday night’s episode of “The Hills” garnered the series’ highest ratings yet: 4.8 million viewers — pretty freakin’ impressive for a post-primetime cable series. I’m not going to rant about this one. I’m just going to say that I’d like to punch every 12-year-old girl who watches this show in their collective face.
Happy Easter!
Happy Easter!
And to all my Jewish/other readers: You should really start celebrating Easter. Just look at the above picture. That’s really what we do every year. … Think about it.
I’ll start regular posting again tomorrow. And I promise even more no more dirty pictures of cute, marshmallow-y foods.
Big Spoon EXCLUSIVE: Tara Strong — Powerpuff Girl, mermaid, potty mouth
You’re probably more familiar with Tara Strong than you realize.
Her first starring role was voicing Hello Kitty on the 1985 cartoon series “Hello Kitty’s Furry Tale Theater,” and went on to voice some of the most popular cartoon characters in the past two decades, including: Bubbles on “The Powerpuff Girls,” Timmy on “The Fairly OddParents,” Dil Pickles on “Rugrats” Ariel’s daughter Melody in “The Little Mermaid: Return to the Sea” and Princess Clara and Toot on “Drawn Together.”
I spoke to Tara last week about the death of “Drawn Together,” the rebirth of “The Powerpuff Girls” and the one thing she considered to be too offensive to joke about on TV. I’ve got a little welcome message from Tara below, followed by a link to the text of the full interview.
That’s so Donny Osmond!
The only thing the world needs less than another music video from Raven-Symon? is a music video that also features Donny Osmond. Now don’t get me wrong — I would occasionally watch “Donny and Marie” when I stayed home sick from school… but there’s just something about that whole Osmond clan that doesn’t sit right with me.
Here’s Raven’s video for “Double Dutch Bus” from her new movie “College Road Trip.” Brace yourself for crazy lyrics, fresh moves and an unspeakably lame performance from the Don-ster. Oh, and for those of you prone to epileptic seizures: Beware the strobes!
(Seriously, 10 points to whoever makes it through this video without developing the urge to strangle a kitten. … And I am keeping score).
Barack Obama does have a pretty ridiculous name
I’ll admit I usually mispronounce Barack Obama’s name (it’s hard for me…), but at least I know he exists! After reading this interview with DMX, I’ve learned that not only has the rapper never heard of Obama before, but he refuses to admit that that’s his real name.
Here’s my favorite excerpt:
Wow, Barack! The n*gga?s name is Barack. Barack? N*gga named Barack Obama. What the f*ck, man?! Is he serious? That ain?t his f*ckin? name. I’ma tell this n*gga when I see him, ?Stop that bullsh*t. Stop that bullsh*t? [laughs] ?That ain?t your f*ckin? name.? Your momma ain?t name you no damn Barack.
Read the rest of the (uncensored) interview here.
Can someone please arrange a televised meeting between these two?! Vh1, get on it.
My thoughts/outrages on the ‘90210′ spin-off
By now you’ve all heard the awesome/terrible (I haven’t decided yet) news about Rob Thomas producing a spin-off of “Beverly Hills 90210″ for The CW. And depending on how much of a trashy news junkie you are, you may have also heard that Tori Spelling wants to be a part of the show because “Every teen drama needs a MILF, right?” — Yes, she actually said that.
And while this is all well and good, I can’t believe no one has addressed the real issue here: How exactly is this show a spin-off?! There are literally no connections between this new project and the original series. “Melrose Place” didn’t have any of the same characters as “90210,” but it was technically considered a spin-off because they were both created by Darren Starr. But Starr has absolutely no connection to the new series. Are you allowed to just call something a spin-off whenever you want?
I feel like they’re only calling it a spin-off so that people will actually tune in to a show on The CW for once. … Am I missing something? Someone, please explain this to me…
‘Ice Age 3′ basically says ’screw you’ to science
I wrote about the announcement of “Ice Age 3″ back in June (along with Dennis Leary’s desire to never stop making sequels). And now, we have a poster…
I’m no scientist, but how long was the expected lifespan of these creatures? Because I’m pretty sure the ice age alone lasted for thousands of years, and now they’re still alive to see the dinosaurs?
Wow. … Thousands of years with Ray Romano and Queen Latifah? Maybe it’s like “Lost.” At the end, they’ll realize they were in hell all along.
Bad news for people who enjoy laughter
Apparently E! hasn’t gotten the memo that Chelsea Handler is neither attractive nor funny.
The network recently ordered an additional 150 episodes of the “comedian”’s late night “comedy” show “Chelsea Lately.” If you’ve never seen the show, it’s kind of like “The Soup” … only completely unfunny.
MTV continues to feed the Parisite
MTV, have you no shame?
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Paris Hilton will star in “My New BFF,” a 10-episode series on MTV in which 20 contestants will lives with Paris and compete to be her new “BFF” (because she’s a 12-year-old girl, apparently).
At least she’s looking for a friend, rather than pretending to be looking for love like some fakers out there. … Tila Tequila, you give a bad name to midgets everywhere!
Feed for The Big Spoon