Becky and Lucille!
The more I hear about the upcoming “90210″ spinoff, the more scared I become… because I’m truly afraid I’m going to want to watch it.
Yesterday, it was announced that Lori Loughlin (Aunt Becky, “Full House”) would be playing Celia Mills, “a former Olympic Games medalist in cycling.” Cycling? Pssh! If Aunt Becky got a gold medal in anything it would be bed rocking — Uncle Jesse can vouch for that.
As if that weren’t enough, more cast members were announced today, including everyone’s favorite mother-of-the-year Jessica Walter (Lucille Bluth, “Arrested Development”). And, of course, Walter’s character is “the former Hollywood star grandmother whose alcohol problem triggers her son and his family’s move from Kansas to Beverly Hills.” Never have I been to happy to see an actress completely typecast.
Arctic drama is heating up!
Step aside, polar bears. Global Warming has claimed a new victim: the beloved narwhal.
Part manatee, part unicorn, the majestic narwhal’s numbers have dwindled to less than 80,000 and scientists say that number is only going to continue to drop because of the mammal’s inability to adapt to climate change.
Canadian polar bear and seal specialist Ian Stirling claims they began the research because of all the attention polar bears have been getting in the media. He said they wanted to examine other species’ chances of survival in the arctic (but I have a hunch he’s been reading the Spoon).
We need to get Sharon Lawrence and Noah Wyle to make a public plea to save the narwhals STAT! I’ve even got some sweet footage they can use for their heart-wrenching PSA:
?Thanks to Jamie for the tip.
A Shot at Love 2: Week 1
“A Shot at Love 2 with Tila Tequila” premiered last night and I’m already excited about the rest of the season. Unlike the huge disappointment that was “That’s Amore,” I could really see myself getting addicted all over again.
Now that we know she’s not actually looking for love — seriously, give me a break — we can sit back and enjoy the show’s ridiculous characters. Fifteen stupid straight guys and 15 trashy lesbians were chosen to compete for Tila’s heart, but within the hour she narrowed the total number of contestants to 18.
I haven’t grown attached to any of them yet — I’m still waiting for a Domenico, or even an horse-faced Amanda to catch my interest — but the gang of morons seem stupid enough to entertain me for a few months. And isn’t that really what it’s all about?
New episodes of “A Shot at Love 2 with Tila Tequila” air 10 p.m. Tuesdays on MTV.
What have polar bears ever done for me?
I challenge you to keep a straight face for the entirety of this video. It’s Sharon Lawrence in a ridiculous save-the-polar-bears commercial for the WWF. I’ve seen it about a hundred times this year, yet still find it completely hilarious.
Lawrence’s soothing voice, the swelling background music, the compelling images… Everything just comes together like magic. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think polar bears actually matter.
…What? … If Perez Hilton can pretend to care about charities, so can I!
Bonus: Click here to watch the same commercial narrated by Noah Wyle. It’s OK, but he doesn’t put nearly as much cheesy heart into it as Lawrence.
Apparently it’s true: No one likes William Shatner
In his new autobiography titled “Up Till Now” — the book hits shelves May 13 — William Shatner reveals that he had no idea the cast of “Star Trek” hated him during the production of the show.
According to the New York Daily News, he eventually grew close to Leonard Nimoy (Spock), who helped him cope with his third wife’s alcohol addiction.
There are so many things wrong with that sentence.
I can’t speak for the cast of “Star Trek,” so let me just tell you why I don’t like Shatner. When stories are written on his official Web site, the first letter of Every Single Freakin’ Word is capitalized. Here’s what he had to say about the 40th anniversary of “Star Trek”:
Forty Years Of Age, As Far As I’m Concerned, Is Still A Child.
Aside from sounding like a fortune cookie, do you see what I mean about the capitalizing?! It’s like every word is just as important as the one that came before it. … Then again, that’s kind of how he talks. So maybe he’s just going for authenticity…?
Why I LOVE America right now
OK, I’ve finally gotten over the loss of Michael Johns, and I’m done moping.
The next two weeks mark the premieres of three soon-to-be addictions/guilty pleasures for me.
“A Shot at Love 2 with Tila Tequila” (premieres next Tuesday, April 22 at 10 p.m. on MTV)
Everyone’s favorite fake bisexual is back and she’s giving her quest for love another shot. (Oh, I just got the title…) It’s no surprise that things didn’t work out with Bobby, so let’s keep our fingers crossed for a “surprise” visit from Dani at some point during the season.
“Under One Roof” (premieres tomorrow, April 16 at 8 p.m. on MyNetworkTV)
It’s a sitcom starring Flavor Flav as an ex-con named Calvester. Need I say more?
“The Real World: Hollywood” (premieres tomorrow, April 16 at 10 p.m. on MTV)
Sure, the show stopped being original and unpredictable about 8 seasons ago, but that won’t stop me from enjoying seven more delightful trainwrecks. For my full rantings on the upcoming season, read my recent “article” (I’m destroying journalism) in The Ithacan.
So why does this make me love America?? Because, not only does our country allow these kinds of shenanigans on the air, but the American viewers cherish every minute of it! (Actually, I’m not so sure about Flav’s newest venture. We’ll be lucky if we get a full season out of that one).
Flavor Flav tackles the tough questions
This week’s issue of Entertainment Weekly (yes I know I just wrote about it, but I grab inspiration wherever I can…) features a very special page titled “Stupid Questions with Flavor Flav.” EW’s Dan Snierson — who is probably as funny if not much, much funnier than Flav — sat down with the living legend to get to the bottom of things. Here are some of my favorite questions/answers:
Dan: Is daylight saving time your busiest day of the year?
Flav: That’s the only time I start trying to save daylight. I take all the daylight and put it in my clock so when nighttime comes, I just touch this certain button on my clock, and daylight comes out.
Dan: Huh? What just happened? Anyway, you have a new sitcom ["Under One Roof"]. …Why should we believe the hype?
Flav: Yo yo — believing the hype is better than smoking the pipe!
Dan: How do you know when to shout “YEEEAAAHHH BOYEEE!” and when to just restate your name at a very loud decibel level?
Flav: Honestly, it depends on the situation. If it’s a situation where I’m arguing with somebody and I prove myself right, I holler, “FLAVOR FLAV!” And when the party is jumpin’ and we are thumpin’ and bumpin’, “YEEEAAAHHH BOYEEE!” comes into play.
This is seriously the best Q&A since DMX gave his thoughts (or lack thereof) on Barack Obama.
To read more of Flav’s answers to questions you were too lame to think of yourself, pick up the April 18 issue of Entertainment Weekly. (As if you’re not already a subscriber).
Ithaca gets a shout out in Entertainment Weekly… sort of
Clever jabs at ABC Family original movies and random references to my college are two of my favorite things to see in print, but never before have they been so effortlessly brought together. The latest issue of Entertainment Weekly, however, somehow manages to combine them in a blurb about “Princess,” a movie premiering Sunday on ABC Family.
Here is EW’s description of “Princess”:
The modern fairy-tale of Princess Ithaca. They’d have named her Princess Utica, but that just sounds dumb.
Holy obscure reference! Seriously, how many people in this country would get this joke, let alone know what the heck Utica is? I love you, Entertainment Weekly. In fact, I love you almost enough to forgive you for giving Diablo Cody her own weekly column.
Almost.
“Full House” stars are still good for a laugh
E! Online recently reported that Jodie “how rude!” Sweetin (aka little Stephanie Tanner) gave birth to a daughter named Zoie.
Yeah, yeah that’s nice. But what I’d like to draw your attention to is the “Related Stories” column on the right side of the page. Apparently E! has only posted two other stories about Sweetin and they are…
“Jodie Sweetin a Full Spouse” about her quickie wedding in Vegas, and “Full House star admits meth problem” whose title is pretty self-explanitory. If you didn’t know anything about her, you’d think she was a complete trainwreck.
Child stars are like really old clothes. They used to be in style, but now you only pull them out of the closet once in a while just to have a good laugh.
Smashing sneaks
As a lover of Super Smash Bros. and Converse sneakers (which my wide beastly feet can’t actually fit in…) I’m ridiculously excited about these beauties:
This is just the first in (what I hope to be) a long line of sweet sweet footwear by Cole Ranze of Delaware River Valley, Pennsylvania. He recently launched the blog All-Star Custom Kicks, where he’ll be featuring his work in the future.
A recent graduate from the Industrial Design program at the Rochester Institute of Technology, Cole dabbles in several different trades, including screen printing, blacksmithing and toy design.
Blacksmithing?! I’m should commission Cole to make me a freakin’ sword.
As is to be expected, the sneaks don’t come cheap. The current highest bid on eBay is $255 and that price is only going to go up over the next few days.
Feed for Big Spoon
