Time Machine: “Xena: Warrior Princess”
It’s been too freakin’ long since I’ve done a Time Machine, so consider me back in action.
For a series of reasons I don’t feel like getting into, I’ve recently been re-introduced to the leather-clad beast that was “Xena: Warrior Princess.” And it feels so good. I used to watch this show all the time when I was younger and, honestly, I’m surprised I don’t have more lesbian tendencies as a result.
I was shocked to learn that the show’s storyline was actually really intense and complicated, so it’s no wonder the show has a pretty strong cult following. The special effects, on the other hand, didn’t stand up so well over time. Sitting through one episode will make you endlessly thankful for the advances in CGI during the past seven years.
I also discovered an interview Lawless did with ? wait for it ? the Lesbian News back in 2003, where she flat out said that Xena was “gay, gay… definitely.” Got that? Xena wasn’t just gay. She was twice gay. Lawless went on to say this:
It wasn’t just that Xena was bisexual and kinda like [Gabrielle's] gal pal and they kind of fooled around sometimes. It was ‘nope, they’re married, man.’
Why didn’t I have this blog in 2003?!
Why I hate America right now
Let’s play a new game I like to call “Why I hate America right now.” Is it because of our wasteful nature and subsequent contribution to global warming? Is it because of our troops’ unnecessary presence in Iraq? Is it because there’s a possibility we’re going to be lead by the she-beast that is Hillary Clinton?
It’s actually none of those things. At the risk of being completely shallow…
I’m pissed that America voted Michael Johns off “American Idol” last night.
I usually have a fool-proof system with “American Idol.” I’ll start watching toward the end when it’s down to three or four contestants and it’s pretty obvious who’s going to end up in the final two. I’ll choose one of the contestants and pretend like I’ve been watching the show and rooting for them all along. It’s worked out pretty well in the past. But this year I decided to think outside the box… and look where it got me. I’ve been rooting for Michael Johns since the very beginning and America really screwed up this time.
I guess you could say I don’t have a right to complain because, I admit, I didn’t actually vote myself. But it’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to.
In closing: Kristy Lee Cook, your religious/patriotic garbage doesn’t fool me — I’m coming for your soul.
Here’s a video of Johns performing Aerosmith’s “Dream On.” This was supposedly the performance that did him in. Can someone explain this to me?!?!
Baby planet :)
Science news!
Astronomers in Spain have discovered a baby planet! And no, it’s not a planet full of babies — though that would be awesome — but it is the smallest extrasolar planet on record, which is kind of still cool. The little tyke has been named GJ 436T (really rolls of the tongue, no?) and it’s 30 light years away from Earth.
Sorry, Pluto, we’ve spent too many nights crying over you. It’s time we move on.
Teri… Hatcher… singing?!
Forget all this David Archuleta nonsense. Teri Hatcher is this season’s American Idol. … Or at least she should be.
Believe it or not, Hatcher performed Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” on “Idol Gives Back” last night, backed by a band made up entirely of TV stars. The skit leading up to the performance was pretty lame (oh, writers…) but I have to say Hatcher didn’t completely fall on her face, and I’m happy about that. Good for you, Lois!
That rumor about a “Desperate Housewives” musical episode is looking more likely than ever. The five-part harmony is going to be spectacular.
Charlie Daniels is the opposite of pleased
This might be reason #181 why I love old people. (Reasons #1-180 are every episode of “The Golden Girls”).
Anyway, Charlie Daniels posted an angry/confused rant on his official Web site about Guitar Hero III which, in case you didn’t know, is “popular with the younger set.” (His words, not mine). The final level of the game finds the player battling the devil in a crazy rendition of Charlie Daniels’ “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” and this does not sit well with the 71-year-old country music gent.
The song … is supposed to be a lighthearted novelty about a fiddling contest [in which] the devil always loses. That is not the case with the Guitar Hero version which comes complete with a horned, guitar-playing devil who battles the player and very often wins.
I suppose I can sympathize with Daniels here. It would stink to see your original creation get twisted around. But Daniels doesn’t stop there. He then goes on to suggest that Guitar Hero is corrupting children.
This game looks innocent enough, but take the time to sit with [your child] while they’re playing along and take a serious look at the images on the screen. You may be surprised at the world they’re being exposed to.
Excuse me, Mr. Daniels, but I happen to have played this game with my super-conservative mom and, not only does she love it, but she also rocks. Hard.
At least the end of his rant doesn’t come completely out of nowhere:
Pray for our troops.
Oh wait… It does.
Rated E for Elderly
When I found out that reruns of “The Golden Girls” are making the switch from Lifetime to WE, I quickly broke the news to my roommate. For some reason we’ve found ourselves watching an unhealthy amount of it on a daily basis (1 to 2 a.m. is considered “the golden hour”).
He got confused and said, “Wait… Wii? Like, Nintendo?” And that got us thinking: How intense would it be if they made a “Golden Girls” game for Wii?!?!
Just imagine using the Wii-mote to find Blanche’s “special lady spot.”
…Would the Wii-lchair be sold separately?
“Desperate” time travelers?
“Desperate Housewives” creator Marc Cherry has never been short of bizarre story ideas, but his next move might leave even the most devoted fans baffled. TV Guide’s Michael Ausiello says:
Sources tell me there is a plan on the drawing board to fast-forward the show five years into the future in the closing moments of the season finale ? and continue on from there for the duration of the series.
There are also rumors (though these are less substantiated right now) that the story will move several years backwards, like to before that crazy narrator chick shot herself in the head.
Sure it sounds crazy, but it’s been done before. The CW’s angst-fest “One Tree Hill” moved forward four years in between its fourth and fifth seasons, effectively skipping through the characters’ collective college experiences. It’s a good way to make an old show seem new again, and “Housewives” is starting to look old.
More “Cloverfield” garbage: Who is Teddy Hanssen?
With the release of the “Cloverfield” DVD coming up (April 22!), the brains behind the movie will likely be going on viral overload during the next few weeks. To the right is a photo I snagged from one of the movie’s many sites, 1-18-08.com. It’s the first addition to the site since the pictures of the bloody (whale/monster?) carcass washed ashore.
This poses three new questions: (1) Who is Teddy Hanssen? (2) How does he factor in to the whole story? (3) …Does anyone still care about this movie?
Sonny Bono may have been given the baby seal treatment
Up until now we all thought Sonny Bono died in a tragic skiing accident. But according to a new report, FBI agents have confirmed that Sonny was actually clubbed to death intentionally. To further validate the agent’s statement, this quote actually appears in the story:
This was an evil plot that was carried out to almost perfection by ruthless assassins.
I know this is likely untrue and therefore not really worth writing about, but this story has a special place in my heart. My mom does this really funny impression of Cher giving the eulogy at Sonny’s funeral. Like, seriously, it’s dead right on.
We’re kind of a sick family.
Good enough for Communion at the First Church of Crunk
Lil Jon is coming out with his own brand of alcohol. … And, no, it’s not Crunk Juice.
Believe it or not (and I’m pretending not to), the rapper recently announced that he will soon have his own wine label. It will be called the “Little Jonathon Winery” because, as he says, the wine is “mature” so he should use a more sophisticated name. (I guess we shouldn’t expect the label feature a big-ass picture of his grill on it?)
I have faith that Lil Jon can manage to turn this into a classy business. How could I not trust a statement like this?
This is not no ghetto Boone’s Farm; this is some real wine.
Feed for Big Spoon