When bad musicals happen to good movies
Someone needs to put a stop to this madness!
The long-anticipated Spider-Man musical, now officially titled Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark, has been given an official Broadway debut date of Feb. 18, 2010.
Even with Julie Taymor’s genius at the helm, I can’t help but feel like this is going to end in disaster. I hope I’m wrong.
And speaking of horrible mistakes:
Fresh off its big win at the Oscars, Slumdog Millionaire is also reportedly being turned into a stage musical. The proceeds will be going toward children living in the actual slums, and while I think that’s a great thing, I just don’t see why a musical has to be the answer.
Couldn’t they just have a bake sale or something?
It’s curtains for Spring Awakening
Producers of Spring Awakening, the Tony-award winning musical about angsty German teenagers in the 19th century, announced Thursday that the show will be closing in just a few short months. The final performance is scheduled for Jan. 18, 2009
In case you’re skeptical, here are just a few reasons you should make a trip to the city and check out Spring Awakening before it closes:
- The music was written by Duncan Sheik. Yes, “Barely Breathing.” THAT Duncan Sheik.
- The lead role is currently being played by Weeds‘ Hunter Parrish (see photo). I’m not sure if he’s going to be in it until the end, but he should. He’s just the coolest.
- Uh… the entire cast sings songs with titles like “My Junk” and “Totally F*cked” while wearing long socks and suspenders and other silly olden-timey clothes. How are you not sold yet?!
Go to the official Web site to check out the goods.
Broadway isn’t ready
Over the summer I blogged about my love for Christine Baranski, and I wasn’t kidding when I warned you there would be more. She’s currently starring on Broadway in Boeing-Boeing alongside another one of my favorites, Gina Gershon (though I kind of only know her as Crystal Connor from Showgirls).
And as if that combination wasn’t enough to put me in a joyful coma, they are about to be joined by Missi Pyle! Yes, Missi Pyle. You’ve probably seen her in a million movies yet still have no idea who she is.
C.B., Missi Pyle and Crystal Connor Gina Gershon on the same stage?! If I don’t make it to a performance over Thanksgiving break, I will lose all respect for myself.
For those of you who need a little reminder of how fantastic Missi Pyle is, here is a montage of Missi photos I found on YouTube. Warning: Do not watch if the sight of a beautiful woman makes you squeamish.
(Side note: A friend of mine just read my post and said, “Christine Baranski? Wasn’t she in the Beverly Hillbillies movie?” And no, that was Lily Tomlin. He will be punished for this error).
Can I rant about Taylor Hicks for a minute?
“American Idol” season five winner Taylor Hicks ? I need to include his title when introducing him because most of the world has already forgotten who he is ? recently joined the current Broadway production of “Grease” as the new Teen Angel. I have a few issues with this, the biggest one of course being that a man who looks like he’s 45 is playing a role designed for a teenage icon.
But the whole Broadway show aside, I’d just like to take a moment to pose a very important question: Why the hell did Taylor Hicks ever win “American Idol” in the first place?! I know he had middle America on its collective knees with his whole “Soul Patrol” thing, but what was it beyond that: His suspicious gray hair? The permanently doofy expression on his face? No, wait… it must have been his impeccable dancing skills (seen in the photos below):
It’s sh*t like this that makes me want to move to Canada.
She’s the one that they want?
Even though I’d bet my blog that it isn’t going to happen, Britney Spears is reportedly in talks to take over the role of Sandy Dumbrowski in the current Broadway production of “Grease” this summer. She was also in talks to play the lead in “A Streetcar Named Desire” in London.
Don’t get me wrong — Britney amuses me as much as she does the next guy, but there’s something I just can’t wrap my head around. Being a successful performer on Broadway requires two very important skills: believable acting and the ability to sound good when singing live. Has she proven that she can do either of these things? The singing is irrefutable, but I can’t believe there are still people out there who were impressed by her role on “How I Met Your Mother.” Just look at “Crossroads,” people! That’s when she was at her best!
So who do I suggest for the new Sandy? Elizabeth Berkeley, of course! Seriously, go watch “Showgirls” 30+ times and I promise you’ll see things my way.
(Thanks, Doug.)
Another Broadway-focused reality show? Really?
“Legally Blonde: The Musical” is looking for a new Elle — and it’s getting a little help from MTV.
Like last year’s “You’re The One That I Want” — the NBC reality show that cast the roles of Danny and Sandy in the revival of “Grease” — MTV will be doing the same for “Legally Blonde.” For those of you who are unfamiliar with the musical, just imagine the original movie, take away most of the humor and add in a bunch of singing. Yeah, it’s awesomely bad.
I’d love to keep making fun of the show — except I’m probably going to end up watching it, so I don’t want to look like a hypocrite.
Legally Blonde is headed to MTV
This is a first! Broadway.com announced today that the (surprise) hit show Legally Blonde: The Musical will be aired in its entirety on MTV later this month. There will be a behind-the-scenes special airing at 1 p.m., followed by the show (possibly that night? Not sure. Decipher the time from the linked article if you can.) Either way, how nuts is that?! The already-hit show is going to have even more ticket sales coming out of its sweet pink butt now. Omigod, you guys, set your Tivos!!
Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat?
Much like they did with Legally Blonde: The Musical (and don’t you remember how much fun we had with that?), Broadway.com is putting together a little behind-the-scenes series for the upcoming Broadway version of The Little Mermaid. First up: an introduction to the lead actors. Click here to watch the video.
The girl who plays Ariel is a little nerdy — and not in an endearing way — for my taste, but I really like that they got the guy who did the voice of Jafar to be in it. Disney’s kind of like a wonderful, magical mafia. Once you’re in, you’re family and you’re in it for life. So watch your back, Hilary Duff. You may think you’ve made it out alive, but they’re just waiting for the right moment to feed you to The Beast.
You’ll have to wait a little longer for Xanadu
Due to an actor hurting his foot at a dress rehearsal, the opening of the new Broadway musical Xanadu has been postponed. And yes, I’m talking about that Xanadu. The musical is based off the 1980 film in which Olivia Newton-John plays Kira, the roller-skating reincarnation of an ancient Greek muse.
Xanadu is joining Legally Blonde and The Wedding Singer in the ‘why is this movie being made into a freakin’ musical’ category, but like the others, maybe Xanadu will be a pleasant surprise. Then again, it could just as easily be as bad (if not worse) than the ridiculous movie its based on.
Oh, and to all you Ithacans out there, the part of Kira is being played by Kerry Butler ‘92! 
Butler has had some pretty dynamic roles in her Broadway career, including Penny in Hairspray, Eponine in Les Mis, Belle in Beauty and the Beast and Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors. She even sang for Ariel in a workshop for the upcoming Little Mermaid musical. Let’s hope Xanadu is a success and doesn’t do too much damage to her rep.
In the meantime, at least the show still has Perez’s endorsement:
Spider-Man: The Musical? I think I need to change my pants
Broadway has always been known for its eccentricity, but The Big Spoon thinks things are getting out of hand. First came Legally Blonde: The Musical, which a friend of mine saw and described as “just too freakin’ loud.” Then came Joey Lawrence in Chicago. And now … oh man I can barely even type this … they’re making “Spider-Man” into a musical. Yeah. SPIDER-MAN.
The “music” for the “show” will be co-written by Bono and Edge of U2, and will be directed by Julie Taymor, the director of The Lion King on Broadway. Not very much is known about the characters, except that the villains Green Goblin and Archane will probably be in it.
The projected cost of the musical? $15 million. The projected bodily response to the musical? Vomit.
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