Zebra Found On Campus; Looking For African Savannah And A Good Time
At around 8 a.m. a zebra was found in a residence hall at Emory University. No one has any idea how it got there.
It seems pretty happy, and has reportedly purchased a beer funnel, a thirty rack of cheap beer, and a table for beer pong, and wants to throw a totally sick party tomorrow night.
But in all seriousness, although officials described the beast as “friendly,” it took animal control officers 3 hours to get it out of the building.
Sounds like the zebra wants to stay for a little longer, guys.
Quidditch now being played on college campuses
I love Harry Potter enough to have finished all 759 pages of the last book in under nine hours (So no one could ruin the ending for me - you know how some people are.)
But not even love like mine could compare to the love that some Middlebury College students apparently have for the book/movie series about a young boy wizard, who happens to play a sport called Quidditch, which involves catching magic, flying balls while riding on a broomstick.
They liked author J.K. Rowling’s idea so much, in fact, that they created their own real-life Quidditch league in 2005, and now they’ve started promoting it at campuses all over. The team recently visited Princeton, where they soundly defeated the Tigers in two games.
The league has gotten around the problem of not having flying broomsticks, magic, or real-life Golden Snitches - the flying ball a player must catch to end the game - with a variety of creative rules. Wikipedia has an exhaustive list, but here’s my favorite.
Instead of being an enchanted ball, the Snitch is played by an extremely hyperactive player on each team, and the Seeker on either side has to catch this guy before the game can end. But it’s the Snitch’s job to make like a tree and get the fuck out of there so his team can’t lose. In the recent game against Princeton, Middlebury’s Snitch disappeared early, “finally reappearing carrying a bag of bagels from Panera.” Smart Snitch.
Well, good luck sorting out fantasy from reality later in life, guys. We hope you enjoy your Quidditch-ing. Maybe things like this will convince J.K. Rowling to stop trying to commit suicide. Go write more books, lady!
College news roundup - VTech consequences issue
Sound the alarm public alert system! After the Virginia Tech massacre and the communication debacle that followed, more than a dozen colleges have installed sirens or announced plans to do so in the past year, citing the flaws in a text message or phone alert system. The systems cost more than $100,000 to purchase and set up.
U.S. proposes to update student privacy laws: After Virginia Tech’s fatal shootings last year, the Family Education Rights Privacy Act (Ferpa) is due for an update. Lawmakers hope to give administrators “more latitude in sharing information about a student.” Expect more letters home, kids.
Obama, Ron Paul to visit Penn State: Lucky Bastards. Obama will speak this Sunday, and Ron Paul’s scheduled to visit April 11th. Ron Paul has campus libertarians practically peeing themselves with joy, and Barry O’s visit is a direct result of students at Penn registering more than 7,000 students to vote in the Pennsylvania primaries. Well, I guess they deserve it.
Howard University suspends student newspaper from publishing: Says the Hilltop is in debt. Editors’ (meager) salaries will continued to get paid, and it will publish online.
University techie finds widespread porn use: After alerting administrators to the fact that over 300 university employees at the University of Texas Health Science Center were surfing porn sites, she was pressured to leave her job. Only 10 people caught surfing porn received any punishment. That’s justice for you. No more porn at work, profs!
Higher-ed in China “not delivering results”: Only 16 percent of Chinese students say they’re satisfied with their educational experience, and have received a quality education that prepares them for the workplace. Administrators blame an exam-based system.
No one likes a gossip site: New Jersey is subpoenaing the site, Juicycampus.com, student councils are crafting resolutions (this is huge lame) and students vilified on the site are protesting.
And now for something completely different: The NYT says running can get you high. Throw out those drugs, and go for a jog, kids.
British students love Smurfs, apparently
Two British Universities had a “smurf war” recently to try to break a World Record for the number of people simultaneously dressed up as the blue little cartoon creatures.
We’re pleased to announce we don’t really care that Chester University beat out Southhampton University with practically 800 students who painted themselves blue. But good for you, guys. Enjoy that weirdo record.
BREAKING: College kids start the weekend on Thursday
Thank You, Captain Obvious: We thought it was just common knowledge that college kids don’t respect the sanctity of things like weekends and sensible bed times. As proof, please allow me to reference Animal House’s tagline here:
“We can do anything we want. We’re college students!”
However, it’s just been revealed to the adult, grown-up world (who already knew) that college students start drinking and going to the bars on Thursday, not Friday. The repercussions of this story will be far-reaching, indeed. Expect legislation any day.
Actually, let’s all be honest here, mostly we start on Wednesday (and sometimes Tuesday, if it’s a bad week). But a newspaper in Northwest Arkansas called the Morning News seems to have just caught onto this trend, publishing an article about a week ago headlined: Thursday: The New Friday? College Students Redefine When The Weekend Starts.
It just gets better from there: apparently, students skip classes on Friday in order to go out drinking on Thursday. This is a shocker.
So, in honor of this fine piece of fluff, we’re giving out our first “Most Obvious Piece Of Journalism Ever” award. Morning News, you’ve won. Keep doing what you’re doing - telling us what we already know.
YES, THAT WAS THE DUMBEST IDEA EVER
Here’s a quick quiz for college administrators: about a week after NIU was shot up by a crazed gunman, is it a (a) good idea or (b) bad idea to hold a security response drill and have a mock gunman enter a classroom without the knowledge of the students or teachers, point a gun at the teacher, lines students up against the wall, then tells them that he is going to kill the kid with the lowest GPA first?
I think you all know the answer. The incident, which happened at Elizabeth City State University, has been widely criticized for scaring the crap out of a bunch of innocent students. Although real campus police arrived ten minutes later and then announced that it was a drill, thinking that you’re going to die for ten minutes is a pretty excruciating thing (I would imagine).
University officials have already apologized, but the damage (or at least the role-playing damage) has already been done. Students in other classrooms, alerted by text messages, were blocking the doors with furniture and preparing to jump out windows. Students in the class texted their parents and told them there was a gunman at school.
The professor, who had no idea what was going on, bravely tried to reason with the fake gunman (actually a campus police officer), but said later that he was just about sh***** his pants.
“I was prepared to die at that moment,” he said.
This will probably take the top prize at the “Worst Ideas Ever” competition. Congratulations. There go all your alumni donations, ECSU.
Odds & Ends: I found our new president, IC!
Prez of William & Mary resigns. Board of Trustees, alum, state legislators (everyone, apparently) angry after he removed a cross from campus chapel and allowed a performance by “porn actors and strippers” on campus last week. That guy is awesome. We want him here when Peggy leaves.
College applications can be “too good,” article says. If you see the words “juxtaposition,” “endemic,” or “parochial” in an essay, chances are that daddy punched up Junior’s prose.
Wheaton College sued over study abroad costs. Lawyer dad sues over $4 grand tuition discrepancy, calls school “predatory,” is mostly just pissed because his daughter came home from S. Africa with a tattoo and a bad attitude, we think.
Union University rebuilding after tornado hit. It’s the third time the school has been damaged by twisters. This time, the bill is $47 million. Capital Campaign, anyone?
American student molested on Indian campus. “A drug crazed youth” who had stabbed a policeman last year “pounced on her.” Jail time for these people, maybe?
Cuban student denies being arrested for opposing commies. In video on government web site, says he wasn’t arrested, media is just making a big deal out of it. Sure. They got to him.
Colleges offer churches finance classes. After sneaky priests rob coffers, buy fancy cars, faithful decide to learn accounting. Some churchgoers reportedly still angry that churches considered businesses. Shut up and enjoy your tax-exempt status while it lasts.
(P.S. This is a new format College Ave. will be trying out for awhile. And yes, we shamelessly copied the style of this awesome web site. The Internet tubes are all about incomplete sentences. Get used to it. )
Odds & Ends: cult edition!
Join our club cult: Student members of a Korean sect of Christianity that worship a man named Ahnsahnghong as the embodiment of Christ have started using aggressive recruiting techniques at the University of Pennsylvania, even going so far as to follow some students to their classes. Religion prof at the school insists they are a cult. Creepy, regardless.
Cornell playing catch-up: The “hottest “Ivy has just followed the lead of other elite, wealthy schools like Harvard and Yale in announcing vast changes to their financial aid programs intended to help middle class families afford college. After two years, “the program will take full effect by eliminating need-based loans for students from families with incomes up to $75,000, and capping annual loans at $3,000 for students from families with incomes between $75,000 and $120,000,” according to The Ithaca Journal. If only some of these aid packages were retroactive, and applied to Ithaca College. Damnit.
Democracy Now Later! Students at Washington University in St. Louis are pissed after their school recently prohibited presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama from speaking. The administration’s reasoning? A visit by a candidate would disrupt academics and open the door for other candidates to visit the campus. How is this democracy thing disruptive? The campus paper ironically notes that although the school feared losing its tax-exempt status if it only allowed one candidate to speak, “Brown University, Wellesley College and Boston University have hosted presidential candidates and have not lost their tax-exempt status.” Owned.
Kevin Bacon plays “Six Degrees” of beer pong: After giving a talk at Dartmouth College and receiving the Dartmouth Film Award, actor Kevin Bacon got down with his college self and played some pong with students in a dimly lit basement. Follow the link for pictures of the celebrity beer pong goodness.
Getting naked … for the environment? Students in an environmental group at Northern Michigan University graphically protested a nickel and copper mine near their school by printing a black-and-white calendar of nude group members posing at the site of the proposed mine. The calendar will be sold to “raise funds” for the group. Sure.
Oberlin College paying students to poop
THIS JUST IN: Oberlin’s environmental studies program is sponsoring a pooping project. It’s called the Low on Cash, High in Fiber Bash. As long as you poop in the environmental studies building, you can get 25 cents per poop until the end of the week! Awesome!
Words just plain escape me when I read things like this. These are your tuition dollars at work, Oberlin students.
In case you don’t believe me:
Summary: Poop in the Adam Joseph Lewis Center toilets anytime between Saturday, November 10 and Friday, November 16 and sign up to receive a quarter per poop.
Of course, this whole thing brings up lots of hazy ethical questions. How will the environmental studies program know if you’ve truly pooped or not? Is there a limit on how many times you can poop in a day? Does size matter? If you clog the toilet, do you get like, $1 instead?
And, maybe mostly importantly, what’s the point all of this? I mean, if making a point about sustainability is your goal, why not make everyone poop in a big compost heap and then use that to fertilize your garden or something. Wouldn’t that be more, I don’t know, environmentally-sound gross?
(via Gawker)
Roundup: Oops! edition
Suing a master: So MIT is suing Frank Gehry, claiming flaws in the $300 million Stata Center have caused mold to grow, allows snow to block emergency exits, and injures small children invites leaks. I’ve never seen this except in pictures, and while it looks pretty beautiful to me, it’s also fairly obvious that there could be some design issues that might cause things like leaks and the dropping of snow (Globe architect critic Robert Campbell echoes these thoughts). Boston University president emeritus John Silber, who’s quoted in the article calling the building “a disaster,” wrote a book about how much he hates it … and maybe Gehry too? ? “Architecture of the Absurd: How ‘Genius’ Disfigured a Practical Art.”
On one of the Chronicle’s blogs, there’s a comment from an MIT faculty member who is enamored with the building despite its flaws. And there is also concern from architects about what good suing an architect will do. The article in The Chronicle (behind the pay wall) also brings up the classic debate of boring yet functional vs. inspirational but problematic. (I’d say hello, anybody ever hear of Louis I. Kahn? Beautiful yet functional.)
On this campus I’d say we have a bit of a bias towards boring buildings, or maybe just ugly buildings. I think it’s starting to change with this new business school (that I’m personally coining Dotty Hall) and maybe the fieldhouse Athletics and Events Center.
So about saving Antioch… Some of the alumni are not too happy about that deal they struck the other day to “save” Antioch College. In a not-so-surprising move, alumni are claiming (Chronicle ? watch that pay wall) the Board of Trustees made out like a bandit with their vague wording. It sounds like the alumni were hoping there’d be some changes and a lot more control than they are getting, particularly in a new governing board. So they’ll sit on their money until they see something real happen. Makes sense to me.
Oh, and apparently Antioch is using some of the money to repay other universities in their system instead of making the college better? So they’re not happy about that either.
Average Sophomore = DRUNKEN MESS: No comment.
Your turn to Oops! This is completely unrelated to the previous briefs or higher education in general ? except for maybe higher-order thinking ? but a new collaborative weather site has been launched. It’s called cumul.us, and it lets you predict the weather. Very neat concept. I’m thinking about joining it (what’s yet another social network when Facebook is shilling you out?), and if you’re from Ithaca here’s the link ? but you should be able to change it wherever you are.
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