If you have been on the Internet anytime within the past couple of days, you know that Zayn Malik has decided to leave the popular boy band One Direction. As a die hard Directioner and someone who has allegedly seen their ultrasounds (don’t you dare judge me), my heart broke when I received this news in my Personal Essay class on Wednesday. Honestly, I didn’t think it was real until I went on the official One Direction page and saw the announcement. That’s when it really hit me. I just… Shut down. I kept it cool for the rest of class, went home, and cried ugly tears like Kim Kardashian does when she thinks about her future. It was raining in Ithaca that morning and I knew then it was because God was crying. (Only kidding, of course… Well, kind of… )

Now, I am a big enough fan that I had friends texting me to make sure I was okay. My friend even posted on my wall, “My condolences.” So, I did what any rational One Direction would do. I grabbed my One Direction blanket, tied it around my body like a cape, put on all my Zayn Malik stickers, played the best of Zayn Malik’s vocals on YouTube, stared out the window like I’m in a music video, and ate my feelings in two cans of Chef Boyardee. Overall, I think I handled this the correct way.

But, in all seriousness, yes, I was upset about Zayn leaving One Direction. I didn’t understand how someone couldn’t be. When you’re a part of a fandom like the notoriously crazy Directioners, these boys mean so much to you. I might not know them, but I legitimately care for them as if we are long time friends. (Besides, I know the only thing stopping Harry Styles’s love for me is the fact that we haven’t met yet. Minor details.)

So, what’s in store for One Direction? I don’t know. I hope plenty. I hope this isn’t the end. If Zayn left to preserve his mental health like he said, I am happy for him. Since I have never been to a One Direction concert, I will be counting down the days until a reunion tour happens when I’m age 30 or something.

And lastly, for those of you who don’t like One Direction. Fine. But I am sure you know someone who is die hard for them. So, give that person a hug or something. I’m sure they need it.