4.0 out of 5.0 stars
“Heart Eyes”, directed by CollegeHumor alum Josh Ruben, follows two art directors for a wedding ring company who are mistaken as a couple by a serial killer who murders couples on Valentine’s Day. The two then find themselves running for their lives while trying to clarify to anyone who will listen that they are not, in fact, a couple. Honestly, this movie is not doing anything new, it hits all the beats you would expect, it’s just that it hits them so well.
This is a great rom-com, however, the level of guts and violence is not an appealing watch for more squeamish romantic comedy fans. But for audience members who can stomach full-frontal decapitation scenes or on-screen simulated vomit, it strikes that magical note of wildly romantic and breathlessly charming that seems to have vanished after 2014. That being said, it is not horrifying outside of the gore, which is not any scarier than every other R-rated slasher released in the past 20 years.
The meet-cute is made to be as cliche as possible, but the chemistry between the leads made what could have easily been an annoying scene instead blush-inducing. The intimate scenes are predictable yet convincing. These classic romcom beats don’t feel forced, nor is this movie embarrassed about playing into its own genre. “Heart Eyes” is completely earnest and effortful, and reaps great rewards for this approach.
This film has a small cast and is really a buddy comedy banking on great chemistry. The unfortunate not-couple are Ally McCabe, played by Olivia Holt, and Jay Simmonds, played by Mason Gooding. Holt and Gooding are a perfect pair. Their motivations against getting together — parental trauma and bad history with relationships — despite their clear chemistry, are realistic and not complex or overdone. While both Ally and Jay have extremely petty and unflattering character moments between each other, Holt and Gooding do a good job of keeping their characters likeable.
The rest of the cast overacts every line, joke, and gesticulation, which allows the sincerity of the connection between Holt and Gooding’s characters more impact. With everyone else operating on a heightened obnoxious and comedic level, the sweetness and honesty of the romance is able to be absorbed by the audience from the beginning.
The other lead pairing is inept cops Shaw and Hobbs, played by Jordana Brewster and Devon Sawa, who split their time between flirting with each other and failing to catch the killer. Gigi Zumbado plays Monica, Ally’s stereotypical best friend of color who always has Ally’s back and will do anything for Ally to be happy in love. She’s mostly ignorable except for a joke where she pushes for a grand romantic gesture via a speech that is just a list of rom-com titles. Yoson An plays David, an IT guy interested in Ally, and puts on a pretty good horror movie performance as a normal guy who you may or may not be able to trust.
The chase scene that makes up the majority of the film sets up some good action scenarios for the leads to navigate. Every other aspect of the film is fine. The experience of “Heart Eyes” lives and dies on Holt and Gooding’s performances, which were truly great.
The title character, Heart Eyes himself, is not scary at any point. There is a version of this movie where this character’s design worked, but with the exception of the heart eyed goggles that give the killer his name, his design is extremely generic. He is not grotesque or disarming. He has the trenchcoat and leather mask that every other boring movie serial killer wears. His weapons, heart shaped throwing knives, don’t stand out compared to any other killer either. The kills themselves come exactly when you expect them. The attempts to cultivate a horror atmosphere do not exactly fail, but there also isn’t anything to actually make it scary. The fights against Heart Eyes are more thrilling, akin to an action movie, instead of horrifying. As an action-romantic comedy, it is exciting but it is not a movie that succeeds in half of its goal: providing good scares. It’s an extremely uneven distribution between romance and horror, but nevertheless a rewarding watch.
“Heart Eyes” is cute, sweet and an irreverent celebration of the holiday of love. If you can handle Texas Chainsaw Massacre-level gore, this is a romance that’s worth the price. Finally there’s a movie about discovering the magic of love through team murder.
