December 3, 2022
Ithaca, NY | 41°F


Firing Squad: Rebecca Black – “Friday”

The Mayans were wrong, my friends. The Apocalypse is now! Unfortunately, their calendar did not take into account the release of Rebecca Black’s “Friday.” Get some cotton balls; your ears are going to bleed.

Let’s begin with the title of the song: “Friday.” These songs tend to be dangerous because once that day of the week comes around, everyone and their mother is going to blast the track and kick in the turbo bass. However, I can certainly imagine this being a go-to song for shock jocks on the Drive at Five.

The travesty continues. Miss Black, if I wanted to hear C-3PO sing a song, I’d YouTube it. Please refrain from exercising that droid-like voicebox of yours. Never before has the word “Friday” been so disgraced. I used to like the weekend!! This is why we can’t have nice things.

The best part is the lyric “gotta have my bowl.” Apparently she’s auditioning for the “Friday” movie series with that reference. What’s that? She’s talking about cereal? OK, glad we cleared that up. She also has a problem when it comes to making demanding life choices such as which seat to take in the convertible being driven by what appears to be a nine-year-old Bieber-to-be. I tend to make these decisions by finding out who’s going to give me the shiniest stickers. Try it out.

Upon my first suffer-session with the song, I realized that Rebecca is almost certainly one of those spoiled princesses from MTV’s “My Super Sweet 16” that will have a meltdown if they don’t get the sparkling Range Rover that every 16-year-old MUST have. Let’s be honest here, she was certainly not sought out for her siren-esque voice. And I mean siren as in ambulance, not the heavenly singers of lore that wreck ships on rocks. But don’t you fret, there’s plenty of wreckage to go around.

Please note: “Yesterday was Thursday. Today it is Friday. Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards.” Just in case the whole Daylight Savings Time switch tripped you up. Thanks, Rebecca!

Can you really blame a girl for looking forward to the weekend? She just wants to party with her fellow middle school graduates and play some spin the bottle.

Are you ready?

Rebecca Black – “Friday”