It hasn’t even started yet and I’m already sick of it. You know the feeling — it’s 12:55 and you sit down in your favorite chair, nestled up with only your favorite bag of Goldfish keeping you company. You flick on ESPN, just in time to catch Scott Van Pelt bringing you into the Top 10 plays of the day. #10 is an alley-oop, #9 a glove save…and so on. It gets to be the top play and you’re more excited than if your toys came to life and went all Toy Story on you. Immediately all this pent up happiness you had had oozing out of you, is gone. Baseball is on your screen. Some right fielder just had a diving catch.
Whoopdy-do. I’ve seen better catches than that in my front yard. From my dog. Yes, some baseball plays are worthy and a solid O.K. but the majority of them don’t deserve to be infringing upon my Top 10. A snipe from the blue line or a Manny Ramirez catch where he catches the ball and then tumbles and rolls on the ground? Give me the goal, thanks.
There has to be at least one diving catch per game in baseball. I’d accept the exceptional catches appearing on the top half of the Top 10. That’s about it. Come August, I probably will be over the Top 10 because of how many routine baseball plays are infesting the Top 10.
So, please ESPN, hire me for picking those highlights. I’ll put in a dodgeball game of someone getting pegged in the face over Coco Crisp catching a fly ball. That’s what people want to see. I’ll dig the archives — there has to be a crazy field hockey goal out there or something.
And if I ever suit up for a minor league squad and lay out for a ball, it better be #1.