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Accuracy • Independence • Integrity

August 18, 2017   |   Ithaca, NY

Accent

Witless horror flick barely keeps afloat

For moviegoers who don’t like being bogged down by silly cinematic elements like plot or character development, the newly released horror flick “Shark Night 3-D” may be the perfect masterpiece.

“Shark Night” follows Sara (Sara Paxton) and her college comrades at her lake house deep in the Louisiana bayou. With almost no transition or plot development, the gang is subject to a number of shark attacks and the hilarity — that was clearly intended to be tragedy — ensues.

The dialogue seems to have been written by a delusional screenwriter with no concept of how college students speak. Phrases like “total babe,” “super slammin’” and “wicked hottie” are used to describe the female characters. These phrases haven’t been used in earnest on a college campus in years — if ever.

“Shark Night” has one redeeming quality. The unintentional comedic value of the movie is still entertaining for those who like to laugh at other people’s misfortune. Awfully constructed CGI sharks swim as fast as high-performance water machines, tear the witless teens to bits and rip flesh from them like they were a slow-roasted brisket.

While “Shark Night” may repel fans of high-quality film, it’s bait for corny movie enthusiasts looking to tear into a nice, shallow storyline.

“Shark Night 3-D” was written by Will Hayes and Jesse Studenberg and directed by David Ellis.